Going Within to Connect With Self and Expand Your Perspective with Anjli Garg
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Description
Is there something missing or a little off about your life, your work, your brand, or anything else you do?
Like many who grew up as first-generation immigrants, Anjli Garg was outwardly focused on a certain level of success and got a secondary degree--in her case, from law school. But at some point, an unexpected shift in perspective brought her inward and caused her to connect with what really made her feel fulfilled and happy.
That shift now has her on a mission to empower high achievers to soar to their highest potential as leaders and human beings. She’s on the show to talk about her journey, how she works with others holistically, and help expand your understanding of service, success, and strengths as attributes and assets of your personal brand.
In this episode of the Branding Room Only podcast, you’ll hear about going within to connect to your true self and, through that, expanding your perspective on everything you do. You’ll learn about a new way to look at being of service to others, the opportunity that coaching affords everyone, defining personal success and branding that’s authentic to you, and much more!
Chapters
1:15 - Anjli’s definition of personal branding and her favorite quotes, description of herself, and hype songs
4:57 - How 7-year-old Anjli’s life felt like Alice in Wonderland and her adjustment to it
9:57 - The light switch that changed Anjli’s perspective and how she’s rebranding the idea of service
12:53 - Anjli’s transition from practicing corporate law to having her own full-time coaching business
16:15 - Why coaching is important and how it can help you even if you don’t feel like you have challenges
20:25 - How holistic practice is like healing and helps contribute to Anjli’s brand and her client’s journey (including my own experience)
27:03 - The impact of unresolved energy that just sits within you
30:53 - The mistake that leads to imposter syndrome when building your brand
37:03 - Your most valuable brand-building asset that conveys confidence when you tap into it
41:35 - Anjli’s “words of the year” and her intention for 2024
43:39 - One aspect about her personal brand that Anjli will never compromise on and her Branding Room Only trait
Mentioned In Going Within to Connect With Self and Expand Your Perspective with Anjli Garg
2024 Intention and Goal Setting Webinar
Your Coach to Soar
Schedule an Epiphany Call with Anjli
Ignite Your Abundance Mindset Program
Connect with Anjili on LinkedIn
Sponsor for this episode
This episode is brought to you by PGE Consulting Group LLC.
PGE Consulting Group LLC is dedicated to providing a practical hybrid of professional development training and diversity solutions. From speaking to consulting to programming and more, all services and resources are carefully tailored for each partner. Paula Edgar’s distinct expertise helps engage attendees and create lasting change for her clients.
To learn more about Paula and her services, go to www.paulaedgar.com or contact her at info@paulaedgar.com, and follow Paula Edgar and the PGE Consulting Group LLC on LinkedIn.
Transcript
Welcome to the Branding Room Only Podcast where we share career stories, strategies and lessons learned on how industry leaders and influencers have built their personal brand. Now let's get started with the show. Hi everyone. It’s Paula Edgar your host of the Branding Room Only Podcast, where I talk to influencers and industry professionals about their personal brands, their reflections on brands, and their advice about personal branding. And today I have Anjli Garg who is going to be talking to us about so many fantastic things. Anjli is an executive coach and founder of Your Coach to Soar. She has over two decades of experience as a top performing corporate lawyer and executive leader. She's also a mom, an immigrant, a woman of color, an author, a painter, a healer and a meditator. Anjli’s mission is to empower high achievers to soar to their highest potential as leaders and as human beings. My goodness. Anjli, we need you. Please welcome to the Branding Room Only Podcast. Thank you for coming here to talk to me today. Thank you so much for having me, Paula. It's such a pleasure and an honor to be here with you. Fantastic. So I start off all of my podcast by saying what is a personal brand mean to you? How do you define it? So it's funny that you should ask. I feel and it might be an odd answer, but I feel like it's it's an ineffable thing. It's a unique signature that you have. Right. Like, no two personal brands are the same and it sort of carries with you and people know it when they see it, but they may not always be able to express it in words. It's a feeling that they feel when they're around you or that they hear about you. And when you come to mind, that's I would think of as a personal brand. I think that is a great description and there's no way for you to know this. But this is the second time today that someone has expressed branding as a feeling about somebody. Really? And I yes. And I love that because usually I get you know, again, I think every definition is as right. I think it's whatever you think it is. Right. I will refer to your personal brand as your magic. And so when you talk about feeling the person has said it before, I immediately thought, what do I feel when I think about her? And I just started to smile. So it really is a feeling how you connect with that person and how they make you feel. So thank you for sharing that. So tell me, how would you describe yourself in three words or short phrases? I would say that I'm kind and I'm intuitive and resilient. I love that. And part of that is being resourceful. I gave you four words, I gave you four words instead of three. So I will take that. Not a problem. I think all of that is fantastic. And I just was talking to my daughter recently about the fact that you don't have to be nice all the time, but you do have to be kind. And the difference between those things, you know, a lot of times people will tell women in particular and people of color especially, you have to be nice. And I'm like, No, but you do have to be kind. I think that it's important to be a kind person. So I love that. Okay. I agree wholeheartedly. So do you have a favorite quote or a mantra that you use or like? Yes, I have a couple one that I didn't come up with, but is it to me resonates and sums up my whole journey is that the only way out is in. Yes. Yeah. Okay, another one. The one you want to share. The other one is something that. That is close to my heart. It's something I've come up with is that when you're soaring, it's effortless. I'm already, everybody listening. And anybody who's watching, you just know that I'm already like, it's going to be so good. Yeah. I think as we get into our conversation that those two things will resonate even more right? I 100% agree. It's about the inward journey reflects the outward output. Like what you do inside gets stuff on outside. I love it. I love it. I love it. Okay. So I ask everybody this What's your hype song? So if you want people to know that they're going to get Anjli, what is that like? What's that song? Or if you're having like, a terrible day, what song you playing to make yourself have feel better? And it could be the same song or two different songs. Yeah. So there's a couple of songs that came in mind and you're probably already seeing a theme here, right? And so one of them is the Hall of Fame by Will.i.am. Okay. And the other one is from Nina Simone. It's a New Day. I love it. I love that about both of them is it's all about self-belief and reinvention. Okay. There's no except for the one you set for yourself. I love that. I love that. Okay, so tell me a little bit about yourself. Tell me about where you grew up, what shaped you and your career path. What's the Anjli story? So what I would say is the way I grew up has had a huge impact on me. I was born in India and I was seven years old when my family moved to the States, and I would describe my transition as a night and day sort of story. Imagine that you're in a community in a place where you just belong and you never think about belonging because it's just it is the culture, the language, the food, the religion, everything. You are just you are that, that's reflected around you. And then imagine that overnight you come on to a place where it's upside down world. You're like Alice in Wonderland. No one looks like you. No one speaks like you and no one follows the same religion, dress, food, everything from top to bottom. That's what happened when I moved to Connecticut with my family. I was seven years old and it was completely like being like Alice in Wonderland. And where do you belong? And I think that that has been a large part of my journey is what it means when you come out from a place of belonging and to a place of, well, do I belong here and how do I justify myself? How do I get a seat at the table? Do I have a right to be here? And that quest, you know, for me, it translated into a lot of throwing myself into things I could control in my mind, which was I threw myself into being the best student I could possibly be to excel. And that's a story of a lot of people, I think. And I started to go to different places in my life where I finally went to college, where I was in a place that I felt more of a sense of belonging because there were more people that were different. I didn't necessarily feel connected to most of them, funny enough, but I loved that there were there were more people than a specific subset of the population right and it opened up new horizons. And then I think the place that I felt the most belonging in has been New York City, where I called home for so many, so many years. And it struck me because I was having a conversation with a friend and I said, I think that everyone belongs to New York because no one belongs to New York. And that's it. So that's a really good way of explaining, except that I belong from Brooklyn. Definitely. You understand what I mean? No one belongs to New York, right? Because it's like, Well, one can own New York. No one can... No one is New York. Yeah, we make it up. We the collective make it up. So we belong because it's all part it. That's what it means to be a New Yorker. Yeah, I agree. I agree. So then tell me. Tell me how you got to the law after that. So I actually came to New York City to study. So I went to law school at NYU, and that's where I started my legal career. And I, I was doing what a lot of us who grew up as immigrants and our first generation in terms of that kind of profession or even in that kind of area, meaning I'm the first person in my family other than my brother to get a a secondary degree. Right. So college to law school and you don't always have these mentors or people you can look to to tell you, well, what's the way to do it? So the path I followed was just get the best one. Try to get the best one, because if you get the best one, then chances are you'll succeed or you'll get to the next level, wherever that is. So it's sort of flying by the seat of my pants and my only compass was try to get the best one and get the best law school and try to get the best law firm, try to get the best whatever in the sense of reputation, status, and the rest will follow, right? Yeah, I mean, that's a really good segue way into branding because a part of your brand is who you're affiliated and that includes institutions and right and where you're affiliated with. And so that is definitely a part. And I do think a lot of folks who don't have a specific roadmap or to a point about mentors or even teachers who can like lay the map, that that is the way if that's what the importance of lists are, where it's like, that's that's the top. Okay, good. That's the one I want to strive for, right? Not always fully accurate, but it gives you it gives you a sort of a path that you can follow that will hopefully lead you to where you need to go to. So then talk to me about you then starting your practice. So this is coinciding with that whole the the only way out is in. Yes. So a lot of my career and my life in terms of early life has been focused on the outward. That's the whole “the best is” and it has really helped me in my journey. And at some point, a light switch sort of went on. It wasn't something I was looking for. It happened to me and that changed my perspective and brought me inward. And then it brought me inward. It started to have me connect. I started to connect with myself. You know, and who I am and what I want. And what really makes me feel fulfilled and happy. And part of that journey I realized, was about being of service. Love being of service. And I also understand another thing about myself, which is that I've worked really hard for success and for certain things that go with success. And my mantra really is service with abundance. I love that. I love that. And I think a lot of more people would be of service if the ethos of what service means wasn't giving up everything that you want that's comfortable for you. Yeah. So that's why I feel like the two to go together. For me at least. You're rebranding the way that we look at service. I like that. It doesn't have to mean scarcity and it doesn't have to mean like you can have. I love, love, love that service with abundance. Absolutely. Because. Because to me, more people would be of service if they didn't think that being of service means being impoverished for yourself. I am thinking about sort of the legal profession and sort of the place in which we navigate a lot that is immediately called me to thinking about how folks will perceive doing more things for inclusion and incorporating and bringing in people who are different than them and feeling like if I do that, I then there's not going to be enough for me. And it's like. And then. And then. And then I know we're not living in a closed field that there's literally everything. Expand when your perspective expands, when you understand that it's not taking away, it's actually making space for people who and experiences and perspectives that should have been there anyway and weren't for whatever reason. So I love thinking about that in that way. That's a fantastic perspective. And in the research bears it out. Yep, yep, yep. Now people talk about diversity, equity and inclusion and belonging. Not as like a nice to do, right, but a business proposition because it is. And that, to your point, is not a zero sum game. It actually does expand. So I love that you said that. So. Okay. So talk to me about your experience when you were in corporate law. I know that you drove you inwards. But tell me about what what that was sort of like, you know, things that resonated in that space for when you did that. And then we can get into why and how you moved out of it. So I've loved being a lawyer. I've met amazing people, I've had amazing experiences, I've traveled to places and I've gotten to work with people who are highly intelligent, highly capable and passionate. So I have nothing negative to say about the law. It's just that there was a part of me that wasn't reflected in my journey as a lawyer, and that part I was doing informally. When people come to me and people would trust me and that's something that I actually hold very sacred is people's trust. And I loved seeing them expand out of the boundaries that they put on themselves. And out of the boundaries, all these great one liners that I'm like, I'm just gonna use that to you. And I say that is because it's a reflection of me, too. And I because I want to be very clear. I'm not above any of this stuff. This is very much my own journey. It's all been about looking at the limits and feeling them keenly and also saying, okay, am I ready to really step beyond this, even though it feels scary? Even though it feels hard. Yeah. Even if I fail not the F word. Failure is the how we move forward. I always say the 1 f word moves to the other failure is how we move forward. Okay, so then talk to me about the transition and then actually saying I'm not going to practice anymore, I'm going to start coaching. What was that like for you and how do you coach so what's the coaching process like for you? Sure. Thank you. I. So for me, it's really this summer that I transitioned to full time coaching. I've been coaching on the side for the last five years now and I transitioned fully into coaching because it's a it's another one of those places where I'm betting on myself and going beyond the limits I may have put on myself, which is that I've worked for people my entire life and this is a chance for me to take this thing that I find very fulfilling, that I feel very passionate about it, put it out into the world in a more fuller way, and to step into that place of the unknown, because that's what entrepreneurship is. It's the unknown and it's a you know that better than anybody. You've done this way longer than I have. It is stepping out into the unknown. But there's something that you said that I need to pull out and highlight and that it's really important, no matter who you are and no matter what you're doing, that you are the best bet that you can ever make, that. of the places where we have control, we can control our perspective. We can't control a lot of things about what we can control by our experiences as much as we can. And that's why I say it's not a bet when when you're relying on yourself, you're just saying that it's time for me to invest in what I know is already there. Right? And so and that's not a bet that is a sure investment. So I love that. All right. So coaching doing that is a side gig. Now you're doing it full time. You know, I was glad that we were going be talking at the beginning of the year, although, you know, when the podcast comes out, who knows and people listen to it at all times. Why is coaching important? How does it how can it help folks who who might need support and how can it just be a sort of consistency, even if you don't feel like you have challenges to help you to be strategic and to be thoughtful about what your path is? Yeah, you know, this is a great question because most lawyers and including myself have not heard of coaching. It's getting more popular now, but it's more popular in the C-suite and in in the business context, more so than in the legal context. Yep. Yep. The way I would describe coaching is it's an opportunity for you to step into a more expanded version of yourself in a very safe, confidential way, which is one of the things that we do, and I do this all the time, is that we get in our own heads about things and we make conclusions about what's possible for me and what's not possible for me. I can't have that. No, I'm not that. And in that way we limit ourselves, right? So what I love about coaching is it's all about going beyond your limits in a very concrete, meaningful way that has an impact, right? This has an impact on your performance. It has an impact on your success. It has an impact on your well-being and on your sense of fulfillment and happiness. Because often we feel like we're stuck. I'm stuck. This is just the way things are, and they can't change unless I radically give up things I want. These are beliefs and we have them. And so coaching can do is help you explore. Is it really true that you're stuck? What does it mean to be stuck? And what would it look like if you weren't stuck? Right? And do you really have to give up everything to have that thing that you want? Maybe that you're even afraid to say to someone else? But here you are. You can say it, you can say it out loud and there's no consequence. You don't have to do anything about it. And that's the beauty of coaching. It's like a container where you can go someplace where you can't go with anyone else, really. I love that the way you just described it, you know, because as you know, I used to coach individuals a lot. And I would say that I am the foot in your back. Like, I mean, like, if you want to get there, I'm going to push you forward so you get there. But truthfully, what it was was setting a safe space so that folks could stop lying to themselves like that was really, truly. And whether it was a conscious lie and sometimes it was or an unconscious lie was just like, you know, you say this what you want because it sounds good but is that really what you want? Right? You say those who you are, but is it really who you are? And it just to push back a little bit so folks can say, okay, I feel safe enough to be able to say, actually, you're right. I did want to be a chef. I don't know why I'm here, you know? or whatever the thing is. And it is powerful when you can, to your point, go inwards in order to explore and to, you know, to go on the path of what you need to do and what you're meant to do externally. So I love, love, love that. Yeah. And I've had clients who've said things that they're like, afraid to say out loud. Yep, Yes. And it's like, I can I really say this? Can I really say that I want this? It's a place where you can speak your truth without judgment, and then you realize it's not really that bad, right? I mean, there's so much heaviness that goes into, you know, how we were raised, our ancestral to all these things that go into who would the story we make up. Speaking of branding about who we are, but also we're supposed to be and that's supposed to I always say I'm trying to get rid of me my whole life. I want to get rid of all the shoulds I shouldn't do nothing. I should only do what I want to do. No more shoulds! Because it creates a story that's not necessarily your story. And then you have to unlearn it and then figure out what that story is. And I think that that's a powerful, powerful thing. So speaking of powerful learning and inwardness, you talk about like how holistic practices like healing, how it works to contribute to your brand and helping you to help your clients elicit a part of their brand and their journey. For me, these holistic practices, because when I coach to your point and I just to give context, is I'm looking at the whole person and part of the whole person is knowing and connecting to yourself. And one of the things that we do and that I see a lot of high achievers do, and including myself, is disconnect from ourselves and go into the mental space. And that that becomes the only space that we're in. And I can speak from personal experience, right? So there's no connection to the body, there's no connection to the emotion, there's no connection to that intuitive self. It's just this analytical, like, what's the next thing I need to do and how do I need to do it to be whoever I need to be to achieve whatever it is I need to achieve? But we don't pause to think, Well, one is, Well, do I want to achieve that? If I do, why? Nothing wrong with it. But what is my rationale? What's my motivation? And then how do I want to achieve it? Is it aligned with who I am and who am I? By the way, in terms of what makes me tick, what makes me feel successful? And I say that very intentionally, because there's this whole loaded understanding of what success is that we get from the outside in. And that can be your version of what success is. No problem. But a lot of what I've discovered when I talk to clients is that doesn't necessarily make them feel successful. It's part of what makes them feel successful. They're often surprised by, well, you know what? It's actually being of service that makes me feel successful. It's actually feeling like being with my child that makes me feel successful. It's actually, you know, doing this thing that I love doing that makes me feel successful painting a picture or like making a movie or whatever it is. Yes. It's this thing where I get to create something that makes me feel successful. I want all these other things. They're part of what makes me feel like success. I don't want to give that up, but I haven't really owned this part of myself. And it's always like the story of told myself is I can't really have that and have this. And one thing they discover is, Wow, you can have both. First of all, 100%. And absolutely. And particularly after going back to what we were saying before, you are finding out who your self is and then saying, I'm going to invest in who that person is that I go forward. You know, as you sort of just talking about that, I kept thinking about magic and lawyers and I'm going to group us into big groups here. I got a bunch of groups. I'm going to lawyers, people from Brooklyn, me type A people, Aquarius. I don't care. Whatever however you decide who you are. I would describe myself generally as very much like, keep it real. Tell me who you are. I'm going to give you. You're going to get full and authentic, Paula, at all times. And so that has meant in my lifetime, I've been very literal and very much like I need to know what is the data and the science and the resources behind that. And one of the ways that I have emerged as a human being and I think is maybe put me in a much better space, is to be open to the fact that the one way or the two ways or the three ways that I know how to do something are not the only way. Right. And so, you know, I had an experience almost four before the pandemic. So five years ago, depending when you all listen to this now where I had an understanding that what was traditional was not necessarily what was going to be the space that I needed to be in in order for me to have a healing experience. And that was outside of. So, you know, I've done acupuncture in spaces. You know, when I was pregnant, I did acupuncture for pain. I was like, I don't care what it is knock me out. I just don't want to feel the pain. It did that, but I didn't do it in my mind as well as I did. I was like, Whatever, As long as this kid is not causing me any pain, I'm going to do it. And then, you know, one of the five years ago was it was like, okay, think about acupuncture as a place of healing. What is going on both internally and then like the pain that's actually showing up and coming to it in that space have helped me to experience it in a very different way going forward. I think from that and realizing, my gosh, I actually do feel better. I've been a lot more open about what I want to experience and also I'm open to hearing from other people. And so that long intro leads me into, Anjli was very kind to say to me, Look, I want you to experience some of what I have had the opportunity to do and share with clients, and that was an experience that I am still sitting with y'all. I'm not going to go all into the details, but I will tell you this as somebody who's coached and I currently still now have two coaches I work with and a therapist, I've got a whole Team Paula, is that one of the skills Anjli was able to show me and her magic was an ability to kind of see inside and to help me to process some of the stuff that I had going on in a very in a in a way that like I said, I'm still sitting with the magic that emerged. All I can tell you is from that experience I just feel lighter and all of y'all know that I'm always fun. I try to I try to be the experience I want people to have with me. I try to make sure that folks leave me feeling better than they did when they got me. But I got to tell you, in the last week or so, I have been like, Woohoo! I am radiating sunshine to folks because I just feel like there was something in that experience that I had and this coaching session and the session with Anjli that was like, lifted. So to that end, without. look I am not a paid endorsement. And I tell you that you may want to open yourself up to thinking about the experience of having self-reflection and being able to navigate differently with a lot of different tools, not just one. And that, I think, is is how our Anjli helps people to soar, because I do feel like I'm soaring. So, yeah, you got to check on the website, you got to contact her. That being said, I don't know what else you want to add about it. I just wanted to make sure that in our time together that I share with people that you're not just talking it, you actually are doing it. So does that. thanks so much, Paula. Such a pleasure and honored to have been on that journey with you. And what Paula is talking about is one of the the tools in my toolbox, if you will, because they work very holistically with my clients. Right. It's it's we’re doing both the analytical, tactical, strategic thing that appeals to the the mind and the way that we we're brought to be like data driven and show me the results and where I can understand them. And then at a very mindset level and then at an energetic level. And that energetic level is something beyond words. It is energy, right? And what is and we are all energy science has proven that you can read all sorts of articles about it. If you're still not convinced there is what you what you're experiencing about the lightness is that there is energy that sits within us that's unresolved and that energy that's unresolved, that sits within us, creates stagnation. Yep. And it creates dis ease then, right? And that dis ease is mental. It can be emotional, it can be physical, or it can be all of the above because it's trapped energy that doesn't need to be there. It's no longer serving you, and it's there in the form of traumatic experiences, and by trauma, I'm talking about not just the capital T trauma that people think of, but I'm talking about anything that's a felt experience that has impacted you emotionally in a very in a very deep way. And so that trauma sits with us and that sense of unresolved issues, whatever they might be. And often it happens in childhood and it just sits there and you can't reason with it because it's like a two year old child try reasoning, the two year old. Right. See how far you get. That's why I like when when we have all these blocks like, I know I need to stop trying to be perfect, but I can't let go of it. And I've tried to reason with myself. What's the worst that'll happen is. But it's still there, right? Or the shoulds in your life as you're thinking about like, I have to do this or I should do this or I shouldn't do that, Why? And you can sit there and rationalize with yourself and then you come back to the same thing, I should say No, but I can't say no. Why can't I say no? And what's wrong with me that I can't say nothing is wrong with you? You have a pattern of belief and and mechanisms you put in place to stay safe at a certain time in your life. And that energy is still there until we can dissolve it, until you can feel safe to dissolve it. And so that's the work we do. That's beyond words. That is a supplement to the coaching and that is what you're talking about. I am. I am sold and I love that you you dismantle, the the word disease into dis and ease and I have never although I probably I'm sure at some point when I was little to like think about the two but it truly is not having ease and what that means and I just had like a moment thinking about that when you have dis ease it creates disease. That’s it. that's it. Wow. Y’all I'm telling you, you all know me. And trust me because you listen to my podcast. you know this already, I don't believe and I will never, ever talk to you about something that I either have not experienced or I don't know somebody who's experience. I'm a referral base. You got to hear. But I'm telling you, I feel you can hear. I feel lighter So and now I just got to actually get lighter because I got a beach to be on. I'm thank you for explaining that. I think that will be helpful. And I'm hoping a lot of people will actually go and want to hear more about this. So a part of how you coach, again, for the whole person can impact how they show up. And so I'm just thinking about this piece of it. What have you seen? And this, I’m interested in the answer, in terms of people's mistakes and how they want to show up. Maybe. And that's why they came to you, or because they have not sort of internalized or worked with the process in the way that they should like. What are some of the mistakes that you've seen around building your brand and showing up in whatever way due to not having done the work or doing the work? I hope I ask the question right. It's an excellent question. I what I see mostly is, is what I've done in my own life, which is trying to be and trying to do what you think is the formula for success. Okay. So if I need to project this image or I need to do this stuff so that people will see me as something that is valuable and something they want at the table and there is a certain aspect. I'm not a Pollyanna. I know that there is a certain aspect to the game that we play out in the world, and depending on what goal you're you're going for. But here's what happens when you play that game too much, too far on the spectrum is that you lose sight of yourself. And then there is this feeling of hollowness that comes from it. And it's and an inconsistency that results too, because you're not doing it authentically necessarily. You're playing a role and you're putting on a mask. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. But here's what happens is if you put that mask on long enough and hard enough, it feels like there's a disconnection and there's a feeling of That's not who I really am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then imposter syndrome kicks in and you lose confidence too, because you're trying to be something or you're projecting something that you're not. Yeah. One of the things that I say often when I'm doing sessions on personal branding, etcetera, is fake it till you become it. But as I think about it, it really isn't that. It's like it's more like fake it or show up that way until you can tap into it. Because you are it you don't have to become it you are it. You just you have to trust yourself enough to be able to say, Now I can show it. Right? And imposter syndrome is such a challenging thing because oftentimes it's not you, it's the place does not belong to you. It is that you can't solve as who you are because of the situation you're in versus who you actually are. So yeah, and I agree with you on that and I will make a slight tweak in terms of my own because I always tell my clients I never do fake it till you make it with you. Because unless you feel safe to do this. Yeah. Yep. We're not going to go there because I'm not here to convince you of anything. It's to help you step into a place of safety so that you can own it. And I really mean about the imposter syndrome. And the confidence is often the reason why we're in that lack of confidence in imposter syndrome, or at least from my perspective, in my own experience and also with the experience of my clients, is we're looking for other people to reflect our value back to us. And that is a very destabilizing game because one moment you might say, right, let's just say you're in front of me. One moment you might say, Sing my praises and the next minute you don't like something that I've done or you devalue something I've done. So if I'm basing my sense of value and my sense of worth on you, I've totally given my power away and I am on shifting sand. There's no way for me to gain like stability and grounding in that. So what I'm talking about there is dialing back inside to see and connect to the fact that yes, I am valuable in and of myself what I have to contribute and who I am, aside from what I do, is valuable. And that's the that's the real underpinning of my coaching. And it's that place where when you own that, there is a confidence that comes that no matter what happens, because life is going to have its challenges, no matter what you do. Yeah, you're not going to go the way that you expected them to or the way that you wanted them to whether it’s people, whether situations, whatever it might happen. Right. We've seen the whole world has witnessed that with COVID, right? Not with other events. But yeah, it's it's that no matter what happens, I have this unshakable core. And the tools to come back to that center because that I know what alignment looks like for me now. And so I can go back into that alignment so that when the world is shifting around me, I'm not doing this. Yeah, I'm able to stand there and flow with it without breaking with it. yes. It's almost like you and my therapist have like a side conversation. Because I said yesterday too, in therapy, I said, I have stopped resisting the flow. I still want to roll faster, but that's tough and stop resisting. And for me that's a huge shift. And I think for a lot of folks who have been taught that if you just work hard enough, you just do these things, that all the things will happen. And it's like, my gosh, I have no control. I don't have control and letting it go and just be like, you know what? I can show up as best I can. And then life is still going to life and being okay with that and understanding that resisting it is not going to change that either is a key thing. My goodness. It's a it's a key thing. So so then what advice do you have for people who are trying to build their brand? It's really to understand yourself more fully, know what your strengths are, know what your values are, know what you need to thrive, and then own it. Because one of the things that I've found again and again in my coaching is that and this is because this is a coping skills is a strategy for success that a lot of us have taken on, myself included. Right. Which is that our strengths are they're okay. But it's the thing I don't have that's the thing that's really valuable. And it really and can I really own the strength? Like, am I really good at it or is everybody good at it? So it's like, it's funny, like things that usually things that come easy to us or things that are strengths of ours. Yes. So we assume it's easy for everybody. Yeah. What's so big? What's the big deal about that? Everybody can do it. No. It's that thing right there that I can't do or that I'm not as adept in. That's what's really valuable. Yeah. And so it's really taking that and owning it because then when you own it and you understand yourself is you could convey that confidence and that goes into your branding because again, come back to what is branding. It's a feeling. Yeah, yeah. You talked about that person, right? Yeah. When you thought of her a smile came on your face, right? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. You were going to say something. I was going to say that when you do that, you know, I think a lot of folks and in particular thinking about some of my audience who you know are in traditionally under represented groups, etc., when you tap into the strength, it feels less about that as boasting and it's just more about I'm sharing who I am, share what it right and even though it comes easily, does not mean you should devalue absolutely 100%. You should be thinking about the places where you have ease more in terms of the strengths that you have as opposed to trying to fight and push against. And by again, I'm a big believer in always trying to get better. But there are some things that I'm like, I got that. And I'll tell you that if you need you need somebody to brainstorm with I'm your girl. You want somebody to tell you about branding? I got you, right. Other things I still know how to do, but maybe a little harder because I've worked that out. But and I think that that is an excellent way of thinking about that. And particularly for those of you who are listening, who may feel as if you don't belong right, and are devaluing the needing and wanting to have this new skill set, etc., or skills that other people have. And not feeling belonging is like a powderkeg of feeling like imposter syndrome, that that's all of it together and thinking with the perspective of of how can I own my strengths to flourish in this space if that's what you choose to do? Yeah, absolutely. Very well said. Because it's in that place of not having because what happens is the opposite of that is we try to prove our worth again and again. And as women of color, we've I mean, I know I've done this. I know you're probably right, which is, hey, look, this new trick I just did, this shows you, right, that I belong here. Yes, I belong here. Right. Well, people already have that seat at the table. You don't need to keep proving yourself. What you need to do is own authentically like, feel it inside yourself that, yeah, you are really valuable. You being here is really valuable. Ask yourself. Like, one thing I always ask my clients is what's missing from the room when you're not in it. what a great question. What? What? Right. Just like we might be watching on YouTube I'm like I like literally lean back. That is a great question. That is a fantastic question. And I thought to myself about what you were just saying, too. That's not just at work and professional advice, that's relationship advice. Like if you are being like, pick me, choose me, it's probably not the right person right? You are perfect and wonderful and valuable all on your own, and people should see that as opposed to you having to, you know, perform tricks in order for them to see your value. I think that that is a key point. I hope you all are hearing it. And for those of you, because I know that you are thinking of certain people specifically make sure you email me when you hear this. And I want to hear that you acknowledge that you don't you don't have to perform for your value to be to be visible and for you to value yourself. So that's just so Anjli tell me, what do you do for fun? What's your fun stuff? Woo I love that question because it's so funny because this year I know you do a word of the year and I know your word is joy, which I think it's lovely. I love it. Yeah, I was thinking about that for myself. And this year I have two words. Spoiler alert, right? It can't be one. It's got to be two. Yeah, it's movement and play. And I would my intention for this year. It's not a resolution, it's an intention is to find movement and play in almost anything I do because I realized that one of the things that lights me up with joy is to be in movement, to be in nature, to be to be active, but in a fun, playful way, not in a treadmill sort of way. Yeah me too. To play and connect with others. And I love to do that. I'd love to be in nature. I love to paint. Yeah. Because to me, painting is playing with color. And color is something that I just love. I tend to have colorful things around me is is something that I enjoy. Yes, I enjoy connection. So I great conversation. Even an exchange with a stranger on a walk or on the way to work or whatever it is. Yeah, you just have that moment, right? And then it's like, I see you and you see me. Yeah. It's such a beautiful moment for me. It really is. And of course, I have to give a shout out to my annual intention and goal setting session that I do. So if you haven't seen it, go look at the replay. It's always a fantastic over 400 people getting together and being like, We want to do this thing this year. We want to do it in a wonderful way and with great resources. So go back and check that out because you can talk about setting your own intentions and picking your own word for the year. And it doesn't matter what time of year you're hearing this, it's still appropriate for you to do it. Now, if you haven't done it, do it now. And we are so to do that. I have two questions that I ask everybody in my podcast. One of those is standing by your brand. What is it? What an authentic aspect of your personal brand that you will never compromise on being a safe space. I love that. I pride myself on keeping people's secrets and never using their secrets against them. And really being in that place, because that's something that I've always wanted in my life. And when my clients come to me or anybody comes to me and says something vulnerable, something they want to share with me, I hold that sacred. And so that being that safe space is a really big piece for me. I love that. And I can tell you all that immediately I felt safe and you can kind of hear her voice, Anjli's like and I'm like, my gosh, I feel calm. It's just, you know, I remember once somebody said to me, you know, Paula, before you do some of your training sessions, you should you should center people and get them into a space of meditation. I was like, I am not the right person. But to that end, there are people who immediately I'm like, I will get you in a fun space. I will get you in a movement space. But I'm not... I think your voice also talks about how it brings. It helps you get into that space as well. So tell me this What is your branding room only moment, which obviously is a play on standing room only, something that somebody is going to come into a room crowded and stand there to see or experience about you. I would say it's a funny you said that I'm calm. Yeah, I have heard that time and time again from people. And until I kept hearing it, I was like, I didn't quite get it because it's like something, right? It's like that thing where you're it's something you do or you are and you don’t think about it. And I notice that that, that people say that to me again and again, that I feel like really calm and serene in your presence. I feel like anxiety goes down, the feeling of. And so one of the things that I would say is that when I've heard that a lot from people in my presence, they feel calmer, whether it's via zoom or in-person. Yeah, I can attest to that. Anjli and I met in a networking reception. It was really, really loud. And she came and introduced herself to me and I immediately was like, My God, so much so that I spoke about it at the dinner that night. I was like, She was so nice. And so when you are in your authentic space and when you are in your magic space, what I call it, it just shows up. You don't have to think about it. It just kind of shows up. So I feel even calmer already just thinking about this. Tell my people, tell Paula's peeps how they can stay in contact with you. How can they reach you and how can they learn about working with you? Thank you for that. They can reach me on my website, yourcoachtosoar.com reach out to me and set up a complimentary epiphany call which get you a sense of what it's like to work with me. We'll do a kind of coaching session and there is a program that I'm enrolling that I created for high achieving professional women, that's a 12 week program that is taking you from burnout to balance, and we're going to do a deep dive on all these things. We talked about getting clarity on your steps, connecting with yourself, letting go of those limiting beliefs, being really clear on some goals for yourself, what you want to achieve and implementing those goals. So if you're interested in that, please reach out to me as well. I love it. Everybody tell everybody and I'll see you in the next episode of Branding Room Only. Bye Yall
